Recently, we received an email with the following question: “We are having a bit of difficulty understanding the statement: ‘We don’t forgive people, we forgive wounds.’ Yet as you have taught in your protocols, we are, in fact, forgiving people—asking God who we need to forgive and then choosing to forgive these people from our heart. We are, no doubt, failing to grasp something in what you are teaching. Can you please explain further what you mean?”

This is an important question. It is true that, technically speaking, we don't forgive people. We forgive wounds. Yet those wounds are inflicted by a person, so we don't forgive the person; we forgive what that person did. In Luke 23:34, Jesus said, "Father, forgive them. They know not what they do." We’ve met with a lot of people who have said to us, "Oh, I've forgiven my Dad," but they're still in torment. They go on to explain to us that they have said the words, “I forgive my Dad,” and that’s it. Then we will ask them, "For what, existing? He's created in the image of God. We're to honor all men even though we denounce what they do.” We forgive the person for the wounds they inflicted on us.

It is also crucial to forgive each offense from our hearts. Matthew 18:35 says, “My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.” Why from our heart? Because that's where we are wounded. It doesn't help to forgive from our head. We aren’t wounded in our heads. It's the heart wounds that God is calling us to forgive. That’s why we forgive wounds, not just people. When we say, “I forgive my Dad,” we are forgiving from our heads. When we say, “I forgive my Dad for getting drunk and embarrassing me around my friends and making me feel unprotected or insecure,” or “I forgive my Mom for abandoning me and making me feel like I didn’t matter, for making me feel unseen and unloved,” we have moved into our hearts. Forgiving someone for how they made us feel or for the identity messages we received are ways we forgive from our hearts. In the same way, we don’t just say, “I forgive alcoholism” or “I forgive adultery.” No, we forgive Dad for his alcoholism or Mom for her adultery.

We are forgiving from our hearts when we forgive what people have done or not done, said or not said, whether intentional or unintentional. There are times we may need to forgive people for unmet expectations that we had placed on them. Whatever way we have been wounded, whether by action or inaction, spoken or unspoken, we need to be specific when we forgive.

So do we forgive people, or do we forgive wounds? The answer is yes. It’s both/and. We forgive people for wounding us.

Forgiveness is

applying the blood of Jesus

as payment in full

for every wound

I ever have or will suffer.

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