Our Postures—Part Four

As I shared in the previous blogs, Toni and I spend time together at the beginning of each year seeking God’s heart for Forgiving Forward. The key question we ask is, “Lord, what do You want us to ask You for in the coming year?” This year, as Toni and I sat together, listening and processing, God took us back to the basics so that we could codify what had been our heart posture all along. Biblically, a posture is a physical position in worship that reflects the heart's attitude of reverence towards God and our dependence on Him. The Lord gave us six postures—six mindsets—that will undergird and inform our prayers for Forgiving Forward.

• All for God’s Glory

• Jesus Focused

• Shepherd Led

• Gospel-Centric

• Abiding Trust

• Self Denied

This is the fourth in a series of blogs unpacking each of the postures that guide the ministry of Forgiving Forward. In the previous blogs, we discussed “All for God's Glory,” “Jesus Focused,” and “Shepherd Led.” The fourth posture is:

Gospel-Centric

For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified. 1 Corinthians 2:2

One of the main concerns I have with most forgiveness models, including the one I used to follow, is that they do not address the “who pays?” question. When someone wounds us, there is a loss—something is damaged, a debt is incurred. Forgiveness requires the settling of the debt. Just choosing to forgive someone doesn’t eliminate the impact of what happened. The debt remains and must be addressed. Forgiveness simply shifts the responsibility for the debt from the one who caused it to someone else who will cover it. In most models of forgiveness, that someone else is us. Basically, intentionally or by default, we absorb the debt. We may deny it, “I’m OK, it doesn’t matter—It’s no big deal.” Or we may excuse it, “ They’re hurting. They didn’t mean to hurt me.” In either case, we absorb the unresolved debt, which will ultimately lead to bitterness and pride. “It’s not right, but look how spiritual I am!” However, in the Gospel, Jesus is the One who pays the debt. Jesus became human so that He could fully satisfy our sin debt to God by shedding His righteous blood on the Cross. Jesus, being fully God and fully human, was the only one who could pay that debt and thereby establish the basis for our forgiveness, restoring us to a relationship with God so that we could live His Life.

Recently, a friend told me about a counseling course he had just completed. When they got to the subject of forgiveness, the presenter taught that one should not forgive until the offending party repents. They went so far as to say that it would be wrong to forgive someone before they repented. This is a commonly held position, and I understand why. It seems to make a lot of sense. The problem is that the Gospel message teaches the exact opposite. We don’t need to look any further than the Creation story to discover that, in God’s economy, forgiveness always precedes repentance.

Recently, we received an email with the following question: “We are having a bit of difficulty understanding the statement: ‘We don’t forgive people, we forgive wounds.’ Yet as you have taught in your protocols, we are, in fact, forgiving people—asking God who we need to forgive and then choosing to forgive these people from our heart. We are, no doubt, failing to grasp something in what you are teaching. Can you please explain further what you mean?”

Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil;

Who substitute darkness for light and light for darkness;

Who substitute bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!

Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes

And clever in their own sight!

Isaiah 5:20-21

It often seems that we’re living in an alternate universe with the world upside down and spinning in the opposite direction. There has been a seismic shift in our culture as what God’s Word says is wrong is now declared right, and what God’s Word says is right is now declared wrong. How did this happen? We rise and fall on our definitions because whoever defines the terms wins the debate. We are experiencing the erosion of moral clarity as Biblical terms have been slowly unhitched from their Scriptural context and redefined in ways that don’t resemble what God intended.

A prime example of this redefinition push is the meaning of the word “love.” We are told that love requires full acceptance of a person, including their behavior, and that to reject a behavior is to reject the person and is therefore (another redefinition) “hate.” To speak against immorality is now considered hate speech. Unfortunately, Christian leaders have fallen into this trap, and the church is surrendering its authority to speak against sin in the name of love. It seems the goal of many is now to make people feel comfortable in their sin rather than leading them to repent of their sin.

“How do I forgive someone who has passed away?” is a question we frequently receive. It’s an important question because many of the people we have coached have been wounded by a person, often a grandparent or parent, who is no longer living. How can we forgive them if they aren’t here?

It’s important to know that when we forgive, we are talking with God, not the person who wounded us. “Father, forgive them…” were Christ’s words on the Cross. Notice that He didn’t address the ones who were crucifying him, but rather, He spoke directly to the Father as if they weren’t there. Following Jesus’ example, the person who wounded us doesn’t need to be present or even alive for us to forgive them for what they did to us. When we forgive, we are walking in the way of Christ in obedience as He was obedient. It is important for our freedom to forgive the wounds we have incurred in our lives from people, living or deceased.

It’s also important to know that we forgive people for the specific wounds they inflicted on us. “I choose to forgive my grandfather for making me feel that I wasn’t good enough, for saying I would never measure up, and for rejecting me” are examples of forgiving the wounds. We forgive those who are alive and those who are deceased in the same way. 

Man was created to be in a relationship with God. This relationship is intrinsic to our very being. We cannot be what we were designed to be without it. When Adam and Eve sinned, mankind, including you and me, died, which means we were separated from God. This created a God-sized hole in each one of us that could only be filled by a relationship with God. We desperately needed forgiveness in order to be restored back to life.

Forgiveness requires the settling of a debt. Just choosing to forgive someone doesn’t eliminate the impact of what happened. The debt is still there and must be dealt with. Forgiveness simply shifts the responsibility of the debt from the one who caused it to someone else who will cover it. In the Gospel, that someone else is Jesus. Jesus became human so that He could fully satisfy our sin debt to God by shedding His righteous blood on the Cross. Jesus, being fully God and fully human, was the only one who could pay that debt and thereby establish the basis for our forgiveness in order to restore us to a relationship with God so that we could live His Life.

One of the most well-known examples of forgiveness in Scripture is found in Genesis 37-50. It’s the story of Joseph and his brothers. Jacob had 12 sons. Joseph was the second to the youngest—Dad’s favorite. We know this because Jacob had given him a special coat, signifying the favoritism. Evidently, Joseph was also one of God’s favorites. We know this because God gave Joseph two dreams, and in both of the dreams, Joseph’s brothers bowed down to him. Joseph made the mistake of telling his brothers about the dreams. The brothers responded by throwing Joseph in a pit and then selling him to a band of Ishmaelites on their way to Egypt. The Ishmaelites were the descendants of his estranged great-uncle, Ishmael, which means they sold Joseph to a band of angry cousins. The brothers took Joseph’s special coat, poured blood all over it, and showed it to Jacob, leading their father to believe his favorite son was dead.

The cousins eventually sold Joseph to a high-ranking official in the Egyptian army named Potiphar. Joseph quickly became Potiphar’s favorite, who made Joseph the house manager of his estate. He oversaw everything that Potiphar owned, and all the other servants reported to him. Unfortunately, he became Mrs. P.'s favorite too. We know because she tried to seduce him. Several times! He resisted. Several times! She grabbed him. He ran away. She cried, “Rape!” He was arrested and thrown in the royal prison.